Psst! Hey Kid Wanna Buy 300 Cloves of Garlic? Cheap?
I adore a deal. I always have. My mother use to actually take me trash picking in the rich neighborhoods (and we were not that bad off) on bulk trash day. We'd find treasures upon glorious treasure. She still has these all-silk floor to ceiling designer curtains in the living room we parlayed at about 100am from a swanky house where the new bride said, "Off with their heads." And curbside they went! We were waiting (<- mamamahahahay evil/maniacal laugh). I also later, on my own searches, found a pair of gaudy lamps which were signed and paid off half my college loan debt! True.
That same, "look at this!" feeling is had when I go to the 99 Cent store here in Los Angeles. Oddly, my friends never quite have the same experience. It is as if a walk through a different door and enter an enchanted world filled with goodies and special bits. I find Yoplait yogurt, Pedigree dog food (in Chicken-the only flavor their royals will eat), Freeman hair products, Knorr Swiss stuffs - even Clif bars! They are always remarkably low priced; at least 1/3 their "value" at the high falautin' joints.
So last week, in the refidge area, there's an industrial bag of peeled garlic - 99 cents. I mean like a six pound bag for a resturant. "So what," I think, "It'll make me cook."
Boy, truer words...I roasted, and toasted, and pureed - yesterday I PICKLED six jars worth - and i still have about 100 cloves! I have it stored in this cool actual Tupperware brand container <- so we shall see if their "no smell sticks" advertisement is true. So, here I am gettin all domestic. The poodle is by the feet waiting for dropping nums as he always is when I am by the stove creating. How disappointed he was. Do you have any idea what a hasle pickling is? Argh. You have to gather something like 4000 ancient ingredients (half of which you will use for NOTHING else), sterilized jars, and do mathmatical divisions to calculate a "large" batch, and spin three times in prayer to some Harvest God. And, the smell - oh-my-cricket! It's like sour socks after a football game (my brother was captain for six years - I know the smell when I smell it).
The Preserve Book, left over from the ex-husband called "chef," is a retro how-to book. It has a series of fun-to-do things (<- I kid). As I stir the foul mixture I read half-attentioned. You always learn sumthin' - I did not know ketchup is a word meaning a kind of chutney - swear.
Not that I ever gave it ANY thought mind you. But, you can make about 12 styles of ketchup without a tomato in the room. One was called "Oyster Ketchup," another, "Prince of Wales Ketchup."
They had a whole "meat" area which I shall be kind and not describe - but I really should take the photo of "how to peel the skin of the tongue" (<- they speak of beef)out to place on the fridge - it would make such a great diet tool. Even Tim Burton would wince at the horrific sight of the "peeling" I tell you. Imagine boiling, then physicaly peeling a tongue after carefully removing the bones in the severed section - the gal in the photo had no gloves on either! I'll stop...
Anyway, I shant be doing that, or any of the anal retentive fivehour preparations , some of these "preserves" requested - anytime soon (ever). Though, the jerky section was neat...I fell into sleep (after steeping myself in girly bath to scrape off the garlic/vinegar scent), so thankful there's a market these days that have "preserves" and "pickles." And I will never - ever - even for a dollar, buy an industrial sixed anything anywhere.
John Cusack Interview up at Blunt Review.com -> http://www.bluntreview.com