Celebrity Interviews: http://www.bluntreview.com Blunterettes , I lead a truly strange life as film reviewer and celebrity interviewer Emily Blunt of BluntReview.com...this is true. In the a.m. it's off to interview a celeb, and by the afternoon, I am dining off The 99 Cent Store products, in the evening - it's gowns and petit fours among the "elite." Oh, this double-life that's mine. You wanna know what I'm up to? Sure, here you go.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The Joy of Life Can Be Poo

Life's strange...it's amazing what you'll do for someone you love. I always watched in horror as my brother gleefully changed my nephews icky diaper. I just didn't get it. Sure, I got the kid was cute and a joy, and the apple of the eye stuff...But poop is poop and I literally got sick when I was given the honor of "the diaper change" one afternoon - you try saying no! You look like Mommie Dearest or something...

But, I digress. Having decided long ago I wouldn't be a breeder type. I have two canine kids. I admit I use to marry a lot, now I don't. I enjoy the whole bed, and the toothpaste properly squeezed...and I managed these maritial shenanigans without reproducing!

But, I sure could use a hand about now - even if it was a (shudder) husband. See, one of my dogs - they are both 17 years old this year, Clyde is heading towards the grave. He's a chow/lab mix, and twenty-five pounds of pure love. When I adopted him I was told, 'You've got nine years with the lad." Well, it's been 17 glorious years of toy-toys, walkie wooos and general grandness. Now, my handsome boy, nicknamed Barrymore - 'cause he's as dramatic as John - has started to "pace." It's as if the Grimm reaper is following him with a cookie,"Come here little doggie...icecream, candy, lolipops.." and if Clyde stops the end will come.

Clyde doesn't want to go. He loves life. Who doesn't.

So, I bring him to the vet - scared to death mind you that they'll give me some malarky about him being "ready." I warned my friend I'd go Resevoir Dogs on them if they try to pull my boy from me...

I figure, he eats, walks, and poops - hence my joy of poop. If it poops it's okay. Poop is grand! It means things are all in working order. And the type of poop is important too. This is all stuff I now know.

Clyde's got the heartbeat of a five year old the vet tells me. He's thin due to age, but he's remarkably chipper for a Yoda dog. He not only tells me Clyde has perhaps a year left, but that he;s simply losing his mind. He has doggie dementia. That explains his "distance" sometimes.

Clyde's now on Zanex - a kind of "take the edge off" medicine. He's walkin' around like Keith Richards circa 1972, and every once in a while I swear I see him frolicking with "something."

I'm ready - well, not ready -- but not selfish. We have a deal. I agree to let him go...You know none of that 19 operations prolonging the inevitable and making him stay. He agrees (at least in my conversations with him) he will fall asleep one eve and cease to be - he will be an ex-parrot. But never ex-loved.

We're heading out for a quick walk now...I'm all excited to see him poop.


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