Celebrity Interviews: http://www.bluntreview.com Blunterettes , I lead a truly strange life as film reviewer and celebrity interviewer Emily Blunt of BluntReview.com...this is true. In the a.m. it's off to interview a celeb, and by the afternoon, I am dining off The 99 Cent Store products, in the evening - it's gowns and petit fours among the "elite." Oh, this double-life that's mine. You wanna know what I'm up to? Sure, here you go.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Argh - the traffic

Okay, I know every comic from here to Baton Rouge has a schtick on traffic-and airline food. BUT I was tortured today...it's really my own fault. I drive a hippie vehicle- the Volkswagen Beetle. I always wanted a Beatle named John ;) But, the car seemed to hate the name - so we settled on Dudley. (aside: look at the beetle design - they have a d-u-d upside down-- like DuD short for Dudley...in this case, Dudley Moore - who was adorable, funny, and had that cool 1980's perpetual rocker hairdo...)

My point is no one is intimidated by a Beetle. They assume some patchouli smelling, macro-biotic, ELP fan is behind the wheel - and not the wild, Speed Racer fan, born with a lobster cracker in one hand and the old New England tradition of weilding (safely through traffic). I should be in a BMW for my autobaun-like facade and motoring abilities...but I digress.

Okay, I was supposed to see Kingdom of Heaven today...on the other side of town. BUT, I was also supposed to drop my friend at the airport- naturally on the other side of town. No prob. I equipped the car's cd changer with cruisin' tunes ala me and off I went at the ungodly time of 11am - showered mind ye.

So no prob at the Burbank airport. Well, except for the obligatory fat-evil drop-lane cop-nazi. I was trying to ask if I could drop off here - so I didn't get a 125.00 ticket. She mugs, "I can read lips!" Okay....calmly I rolled down the window --completely-- apparently the baggage in the front seat , the fact that I was in the drop-off lane, and the passenger oddly in the back seat gave her no clue. Ass.
So off I go merrily towards Kingdom of Heaven.

It's at the studio lot. Which, yeah, I know sounds cool...but their security is psychotic - especially at Fox. Who knows why. But, I usually avoid anything there...though I did see Huckabees there -with food and wine and oh-my:)

Okay, so logistically, it's at least a half an hour to get through their gaurds-from-hell and find parking...there are four hundred sound stages (one is the Simpsons house-y studio *smile)and 4 (I counted) guest spots in front of the Zanuck Theater. Though next to the guest spot some small penised fella has a sign in front of his spot (ala Swimming w/ Sharks) That says, "This is my spot - I earned it and you will be towed" the logo is a Jolly Rogaer- natch.

Okay, I can not walk right - I have MS on top of a motorcycle accident so I can not park in the front lot and hike - literally- to the other side of the eighteen block studio to the cool theater. Oh, and there's no carts for the "handi...er, physically challenged" - Asses.

So have to pee like a race horse after the airport. So, I just had to make a pit stop...after the obligatory half-a-roll of toilet paper toilet-seat sheilding I go and run back out to the car.

Back on the road I decide the murders on the highway seem to be in a circular pattern and the one I'd take is probably next. I'm not paranoid, but ya know for an extra five minutes? I'm doing the beautiful canyon - it goes better with my musical selections anyway.

BUT no. I hit every Frogger game-like scenario en route. Truly weird stuff- just everywhere! First it's a trash truck- on a one lane road, then a firtruck doin' ninety heading towards me (even though he had an ENTIRE OTHER LANE) , followed by a 20 mph jerk who slithered from a hidden drive, then an assault vehicle cuts me off (that black 1/2 truck half Hummer monstrosity) that comes whipping outta (I could see) positively nowhere. I'm in a cold sweat and I need a valium...but, the DeLovely soundtrack will suffice for now- 'cause I'm in sufferage city!

I look at the clock it's 15 minutes to "showtime" and I'm at least --- even with my inbred ways of traffic manipulation Boston style--- a half an hour away from fore mentioned security boobs who strip the car, and enjoy unleashing the small amount of power life's given them
I actually turned around...
So, I may run out in the a.m. and actually buy a ticket at this cool small old theater I love to go to, then review you. If I'm up to it!!!!

MEANWHILE. Saturday there's a new contest at www.bluntreview.com - The Life Aquatic DVDs. You can enter for a chance to win - the Hitchhiker's Guide Books will be selected tomorrow.

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